Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
