Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
