Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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