My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to calm my uterus...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
