You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
