Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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