i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
