I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
