i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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