I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
