that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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