That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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