White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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