You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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