I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
