And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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