I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize