Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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