its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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