he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
