The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
