Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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