I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
