Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
