eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
