We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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