just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
