I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
