Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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