omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
