It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
