Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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