I will die if light touches me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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