i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
