I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can't motorboat a personality
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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