TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
