nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
