Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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