I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
