we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
