I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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