Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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