im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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