I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
