I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
