I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize