I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
