Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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