Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
