There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Boobs speak an international language.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
