I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
