Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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