there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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