i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
