I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
