are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
