I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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