We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
