consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
