Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
