my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
