dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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