update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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