I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
