So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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