It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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