yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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