Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
